<![CDATA[ My Night Terrors - Blog]]>Mon, 25 Jan 2016 23:05:06 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[Stay Away]]>Sat, 27 Jun 2015 06:06:21 GMThttp://mynightterrors.weebly.com/blog/stay-awayStay Away

More ramblings from yours truely. My first attempt at a love poem, enjoy...

I live to sleep and dream all day.
 My life doesn't matter anyway.
 In my safe room I will stay,
 with my blades I love to play.
To feel the razor on my skin everyday,
my wounds slowly begin to decay.

 My door will be closed to everyone who will say
"Why must you always stay away"
The pain is too much, can't live anymore.
 Everything in this life I can't help but abhor.
Take me away, please I implore,
 This hell I'm stuck in, I can no longer ignore.

 Leave me alone in my hideaway,
maybe it's best if you just stay away.

I don't understand what is happening to me,
 is he actually what he seems to be?
What we have is beautiful, demented, and would make others flee
 yet somehow we come together perfectly.

Though my fears will be hard to sway,
maybe this time I won't stay away.

-Quoth the Raven

<![CDATA[Vet's Nightmares About Vietnam - Unlocking Hidden Link to Dementia?]]>Thu, 04 Jun 2015 18:00:02 GMThttp://mynightterrors.weebly.com/blog/vets-nightmares-about-vietnam-unlocking-hidden-link-to-dementiaPicture
How do you like that? Not only did they risk their lives to protect us, they are still fighting when they are asleep. Plus! Plus, it could even unlock a hidden link to dementia.

I have seen tons of articles talking about this! I have probably read 4 or 5 different articles about it the past few days. So here's what's going on...

"...hundreds of other Vietnam veterans are helping doctors try to trace pathways in the brain that may connect the trauma he suffered with the development later in life of one of the world’s fastest-growing and most debilitating diseases: Alzheimer’s." -KDHNews

It also talks about a man named David Hay and his nightmares and experiences. He proceeds to talk about when a grenade exploded in his tank in Vietnam, spraying shrapnel into the 21-year-old radio operator’s body.

For decades after his body was healed, he still suffered from nightmares and depression. Having a Ph.D. in Chemistry, he is assisting scientists in the study to see if there is a connection with nightmares, PTSD, and Dementia.
<![CDATA[Too Late - Guest Author Victor Graves]]>Wed, 03 Jun 2015 18:00:02 GMThttp://mynightterrors.weebly.com/blog/too-late-guest-author-victor-gravesPicture
I posted a different poem by Victor a couple days ago but I just have to share another one. He is so talented, I honestly wish I could write like him.

My all-time favorite will always be
This Graveyard Lullaby but this one comes in a close 2nd place. I hope you enjoy Too Late.

All inclusive, and all Exclusive,
To their own thoughts and beliefs,
So selfish and caught up in their own Bullshit.
Too wrapped up in their own worlds and problems,
To even notice anyone else,
Much less to notice their problems,
Or even that others HAVE problems to begin with.
Or worse still,
Too caught up in their disbelief's that someone they know,
A friend, lover, child, or other close person,
Could have a problem.
All with their opinions that their cherished one is beyond fault,
Needs no help, nothing wrong with them,
Nothing CAN go wrong with them,
All believing in their lies of perfection.
Either type say the same things;
"It's just a attention getter"
"It's just a phase"
"Oh they are just a little upset, they'll get over it"
"You are just putting on an act cause you don't want to take responsibility for your life"
If they only knew of what they speak...
If they only knew the pain you feel...
If they could only take their heads out of their asses long enough,
To see you are hurting,
To see you want it to end,
To see you can no longer stand it...
If they only knew...
But they don't,
They never know,
They never see,
To them their problems are worse,
Or they are so wrapped in them that they can't even see you,
Or they can not believe that this would happen to someone they know,
Or whatever...
But they all see in the end.
They all know in the end.
When it is over,
They see the signs you showed them,
They see what they missed,
They recognize what they knew the whole time...
But still they don't understand.
They say things like;
"Why didn't they ask for help?"
But you did,
You always did,
But they never saw it...
You tapped out the letters in Morse code...
Dot Dot Dot...
Dash Dash Dash...
Dot Dot Dot...
You flashed it whenever you picked up a flashlight...
You blinked it a few times too...
Save me.
You asked for help,
You cried out so loud,
In the only way you could...
But no one saw,
No one heard,
No one came,
now they are...
Too Late.
<![CDATA[My Drowning 5-Year-Old Brother]]>Tue, 02 Jun 2015 07:00:02 GMThttp://mynightterrors.weebly.com/blog/my-drowning-5-year-old-brotherPicture
When my night terrors are about my family, I seriously just lose it. Especially my 5 year old baby brother. I am constantly having nightmares about something happening to him.

About 2 days ago I woke up sweating and out of breathe. My mom said I sounded like I was frightenend while I was sleeping. She woke me up and asked me if I was okay.  I then proceeded to tell her about the horrific dream I was having.

It was early summer and I was at a family reunion. The whole gang decided to rent a riverboat and spend the day on it. All of the kids had life jackets on and I was spending most of the day with my little brother. He loved watching the water and pointing out any fish he saw.

I got hungry and passed him off to my sister for her to watch him while I found something to eat. When I came back with a plate of food for me and my brother to share, I saw her standing there talking to someone. My whole body froze and my heart felt like it was being surged with a million volts of electricity.

I dropped the food, ran up to her, and grabbed her shoulders. I spoke rather loudly....

"Where is he? Why aren't you watching him?"

And her eyes grew. She started looking around frantically trying to find him. I then heard a blood-curdling scream I will never forget. I heard him screaming my name... But it wasn't coming from anywhere on the boat. I looked over the edge of the railing and saw him struggling to stay above the water.

He was crying so hard and struggling to breathe. I saw his life jacket slowly coming undone, it had not been fastened correctly. There was a pile of life jackets behind me and I grabbed one and put it on as fast as I could. I went to go jump over the railing to save him and everyone on the boat was pulling on my arms, not allowing me to jump in the river.

They told me he was gone, even though I could still see him screaming for my help. I finally got away from them and jumped in. He slipped from his lifejacket and began to go under the water,  As I swam over to him and reached for his arms... I woke up.

I will never forget the immense anxiety I felt from that dream. Even writing about it is making me frantic and shakey. I have a date with my baby brother this week... I will be teaching him how to swim.

<![CDATA[Childhood Nightmares and Teen Psychosis - They Are Linked!]]>Mon, 01 Jun 2015 17:41:57 GMThttp://mynightterrors.weebly.com/blog/childhood-nightmares-and-teen-psychosis-they-are-linkednightmares
I remember when I had my first panic attack, I could not figure out what was wrong with me. I was a junior in high school and just arriving home.

I ended up vomiting all over my front yard mid-panic attack. It was gross and humiliating. Anyways... I've struggled with mental illness for years.

There are articles exploding across the internet about how childhood nightmares and teen psychosis are actually linked!

Every time there is a new study about nightmares I pretty much obsess over it. I am always trying to figure out why I have had these vivid, horrific nightmares my entire life. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get to the bottem of it.

Anyhow, Here's what they are all buzzing about:
“The presence of anxiety and depressive symptoms as confounding factors in those with sleep disturbance could potentially explain the findings. Experience of stressful events has also been related to both the development of both nightmares and psychotic symptoms in late childhood and may be important,” said lead author Dr. Andrew Thompson, from Warwick Medical School.

“It is likely that in some individuals, nightmares and night terrors have little significance to later psychopathology. However, in individuals with additional risks such as a family psychiatric history or a past exposure to trauma by adults or peers, such sleep problems may have greater significance and may also highlight other unnoticed psychopathology or trauma.” - Psych Central

I think it makes sense, persistent nightmares and night terrors would make anyone crazy! It's all a matter of how soon they start in your life. So what do you think?

<![CDATA[This Graveyard Lullaby - Guest Author Victor Graves]]>Mon, 01 Jun 2015 01:31:01 GMThttp://mynightterrors.weebly.com/blog/this-graveyard-lullaby-guest-author-victor-gravesPicture
This was my favorite poem for years! I first read it 10 years ago. I was talking to a man on IMVU and he told me he was a writer. He sent me a few of his poems and I absolutely love them. I haven't talked to him in 10 years! Wow!

Anyhow, enjoy This Graveyard Lullaby

What could I do,
To make all your dreams come true.
What could I say,
To make you smile.
What could I do,
To make all your pain untrue.
Or was there anything at all...

I saw you die inside,
I watched the light fade from your eyes,
I felt your heart grow cold,
I saw the darkness take your soul,
Everything I've done,
I've done it all for you,
But it's wasn't enough,
To break through your tears...

I've tried a thousand times,
To bring the light back to your eyes,
I've gone through hell's dark flame,
To take the darkness from your soul,
Everything I've done,
I've done it all for you,
But it wasn't enough,
To heal all your pain...

There's nothing I can do for you now.
There's no bandage for your wound anymore.
The world has cut you far too deep,
Too deep for me to cure.
I was told so long ago,
To give up and let you go,
Before you killed me too.
But I could never give up on you...

As I sit here now,
I watch the light fade from the sky,
I feel my heart grow cold,
I feel the darkness take my soul,
I sink so slowly down,
Soon I will be with you,
Singing so quietly,
This graveyard lullaby

<![CDATA[Enough is Enough]]>Sun, 24 May 2015 07:20:38 GMThttp://mynightterrors.weebly.com/blog/enough-is-enoughPicture
As stated in my about me section, I am divorced.

While going through my divorce, my husband asked me if I wanted to get back together and try to fix things. I went over to our house to talk to him, got shitfaced, and ended up sleeping with him.

I woke up, realised what I had done, grabbed my clothes and drove home. I cried all 50 miles. I went home, got ready for the day, scrubbed my skin till it was bright red. I got dressed and drove to work.  At work, I wrote this poem.

Sometimes in life you want something so badly,
you become blind to the consequences.
 Blinding your logic, fear, and all of your senses.

The flame is so beautiful you forget not to touch,
 your fingers get burned and it hurts so much.
Again and again you go back to the flame.
 By now you no longer even feel the pain.

 The fire dances in your eyes as you get closer to it,
scarring every inch of your body bit by bit.
When will you learn to put your foot down and stomp it to ashes?
This flame in your life, it doesn't fit, it clashes.

It crashes and burns everything in your life.
Your body, your mind, until you decide.
Until you decide that enough is enough,
Your life and your soul will be shackled in cuffs.

-Quoth the Raven
<![CDATA[Nightmares Come To Life - Guest Author Bridget Glos]]>Fri, 22 May 2015 07:11:09 GMThttp://mynightterrors.weebly.com/blog/nightmares-come-to-life-guest-author-bridget-glosNightmares come to life
    Hello again! I've been lucky enough to have my very first guest author on my blog. Her name is Bridget Glos and I've been following her blog for about a week. I love how she writes and how well I can relate to her! Such a sweet gal. 

    Anyways, her blog is called
Life With Bridget and a facebook page for more of her poems. Go check it out, great stuff! I hope you enjoy her poem as much as I do!

    No one knows my daily struggle being scared of everything. Not trusting you, not trusting me. Being held prisoner by my mind but no one sees. There's pain, there's sorrow but you could never know the journey I travel. No plans, no future just a wandering soul. 

    Still wondering who I am or if this is all real. Scared to sleep for fear of what I will see. Old memories come back to me with no place to go. I try to run, I try to scream but I can't do a thing it's all a nightmare that's why no one hears me. Can't wake up,
    can't break free fearful for my life will always be just one big tragedy. Scared to wake up. What if it's not the nightmare I remember so much but reality coming to haunt me. No longer peaceful, no longer free, trapped in a brain full of memories. Can't cry, can't fuss don't wish to upset those I love so I struggle alone waiting for the end.
<![CDATA[My First Night Terror - The Warehouse and the High-dive]]>Thu, 21 May 2015 18:00:02 GMThttp://mynightterrors.weebly.com/blog/my-first-night-terror-the-warehouse-and-the-high-diveRaggedy Ann Doll
I walked into a giant, empty warehouse. As I pushed open the heavy door, I saw a 4-5 year old girl on the inside.

She was dressed just like a raggedy ann doll and had ringlets spilling out of her pigtails. She had 2 blue ribbons holding the pigtails in place. She had freckles all across her cheeks and her nose.

When we made eye contact, she skipped away. I started to follow her, deeper into the vast warehouse. She eventually led us to this ladder and what looked like a 50ft+ high-dive diving board.

She began to climb the ladder.

I started to panic because she was climbing so fast. I ran to the ladder and stood underneath it with my arms outstretched just in case she fell. I was screaming for her to come back down but she would lot listen.

She climbed to the the very top and started to play around on the diving board. I was freaking out, tears welling in my eyes and my voice choking up out of fear that this little girl would fall.

"Please come down!" I screamed. "Walk carefully back to the ladder and climb back down!" She looked at me, smiled, and ran straight off the diving board. I will never forget the blood-curdling scream I heard as she fell for what seemed like an eternity.

Her body collided with the hard concrete. It looked like the force of such a great fall caused her body to explode as it hit the concrete. Her limbs flew in opposite directings, becoming detatched from her small, lifeless body. I could see her ringlets soaking up with blood.

I could barely move from shock. I took one step towards her and all of the sudden, it was like someone pressed the rewind button. All of her limbs, blood, organs, and bones began to reassemble themselves. Her blue dress was now stained red. She began to stand up.

Her white tights had holes, her shoes were ripped apart, her dress was hanging together by threads, Her eyes turned from a curious sky blue to black and lifeless. Her teeth were sharp and jagged. She smiled and took a step closer to me, her body slowly morphing with each step.

Her skin began turning a dark red color as her back grew hunched with black spikes stabbing through the back of her dress. Her body grew bigger and bigger. Her hands turned into massive claws.

She starteed running towards me. Her sweet giggle turned into a deep, throaty laugh. She/it jumped at me and I could feel its claws digging into my back. I remember screaming as I was on the ground, surrounded by a pool of my own blood. I looked up and saw it coming at my face with it's jagged, sharp teeth...

Then I woke up. I was sweating and out of breath, trying not to scream. When I could finally move, I reached over and turned on my night light on my night stand. At the foot of my bed, I saw the little girl in her blood stained dress, black shiney eyes, perfect ringlets, and a twisted smile.

I screamed and ran to my parents bedroom. I was hyperventilating and crying uncontrolabley. I told my mom that I was seeing things that weren't really there. I saw the little girl follow me to my parents bedroom. I could see her standing at the foot of their bed... Still smiling at me. They turned the light on and she disappeared.

To this day, I have dreamed about this little girl countless times and I can't look at a raggedy ann doll the same. This is the first night terror that I remember... I was 11 years old.

<![CDATA[Writing to Cope With Night Terrors]]>Mon, 18 May 2015 02:12:29 GMThttp://mynightterrors.weebly.com/blog/writing-to-cope-with-night-terrorsPicture
Hello again! So, every time someone figures out that I suffer from mental illness, I get bombarded with all of these bizarre coping tecniques that they swear by!

That can get really old really fast. Most of them involve taking some non-FDA-approved supplement like ground sheep placenta or something. But some of them can actually be pretty useful.

Hello again! So, every time someone figures out that I suffer from mental illness, I get bombarded with all of these bizarre coping tecniques that they swear by!

That can get really old really fast. Most of them involve taking some non-FDA-approved supplement like ground sheep placenta or something. But some of them can actually be pretty useful.

I've never been much of a writer in my life, but I've noticed when I am feeling so low and isolated and my thoughts feel like they are going to make my head explode, I put them on "paper" instead and it can be a huge relief.

The first time I ever tried to write was when I was in 6th grade. Have you ever seen that episode of Roseanne where Darlene is required to write a poem for her class and her teacher ends up making her read it out loud? That is exactly what happened to me.

Except she entered mine into a young writers poetry contest. I never did find out what happened with that, but I remember hating all of the attention I recieved for writing such a stupid poem I didn't even like.

To this day, my grandmother still has a sloppy copy of it posted on a bulliten board in her dining room. It is even in my sloppy handwriting. I digress...

Anyways, writing pretty much anything you are feeling can be really helpful. I will post some things from time to time and will even post something you have written if you want. There is more information about that in my About page.

So stop reading my junk and go write something!